As Our Parents Grow Older - “If only I’d known … I would have done things differently!”

Family Caregivers’ Bookshelf

by Mike Gamble / April 5, 2012

Here are some excellent books for family caregivers. We’ve sorted each one into the most appropriate topic category.

Alzheimer’s | Dementia

< The 36-Hour Day, fifth edition: A Family Guide to Caring for People Who Have Alzheimer Disease, Related Dementias, and Memory Loss (A Johns Hopkins Press Health Book) [affiliate link], by Nancy L. Mace, M.A. and Peter V. Rabins, M.D. and M.P.H. Despite the dozens of similar books that are available, The 36-Hour Day is the best-selling guide for caring for someone with dementia. It covers everything from managing the beginning stages of the disease to finding more appropriate living arrangements when living at home is no longer an option. [Kindle edition available]

Money | Legal

Everyday Law for Seniors: Updated with the Latest Federal Benefits [affiliate link], was written by Lawrence A. Frolik and Linda S. Whitton, expert attorneys of elder law. Comprehensive and clearly written in language everyone can understand, it guides you through the most critical issues involved in growing older. It’s a valuable resource whether you’re looking for information for your own use, or to help your aging parents. [Kindle edition available]

Narcissists

Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life [affiliate link], by Linda Martinez-Lewi, PhD. If you are in a relationship with a narcissistic mother or father, brother or sister, aunt or uncle, in-law or a self-absorbed boss, this indispensable guide will help you recognize, cope with, and ultimately overcome their destructive behavior, protect yourself, maintain your sanity and heal. [Kindle edition available]

The Sociopath Next Door [affiliate link], by Martha Stout, PhD [Kindle edition available]

The Wizard of Oz and Other Narcissists: Coping with the One-Way Relationship in Work, Love, and Family [affiliate link], by Eleanor D. Payson, M.S.W. [Kindle edition available]

Toxic Parents

Toxic Parents: Overcoming Their Hurtful Legacy and Reclaiming Your Life [affiliate link], by Dr. Susan Forward [Kindle edition available]

Emotional Blackmail: When the People in Your Life Use Fear, Obligation, and Guilt to Manipulate You [affiliate link], by Dr. Susan Forward

Will I Ever Be Good Enough?: Healing the Daughters of Narcissistic Mothers [affiliate link], by Dr. Karyl McBride [Kindle edition available]

How to Participate in our Support Group

by Mike Gamble / March 5, 2012

First, Our Rules for Participation

Angry Teacher Admonishing Readers with Ruler

The Golden Rule applies. Nuf’ Said! [This is NOT a religious comment]
EVERYONE’s opinion is to be respected, even if you totally disagree. Simply agree to disagree. In other words, no hittin’ people up a’side the head til they see the light.
No posts are allowed that are belittling, derogatory, defamatory, degrading, demeaning, deprecatory, disdainful, dishonoring, disparaging, disruptive, divisive, fault-finding, humiliating, injurious, malevolent, malicious, maligning, minimizing, reproachful, sanctimonious, sarcastic, scornful, slanderous, slighting, spiteful, vengeful, vilifying, etc. You git the point.
No name callin’.
No throwin’ things.
No ads allowed [except mine].
No spittin’ on the sidewalk.
Keep the cussin’ to a minimum.
In polite company, religion and politics are NOT discussed.
Bigotry is NOT allowed under any circumstances.
No trolls allowed.
No spam allowed.

We reserve the right to remove any material posted on this board for any reason, or for no reason at all, at our sole discretion, and without explanation. This includes material that we consider to be disruptive, abusive, offensive, illegal, vulgar, tasteless, or pornographic; or any other material. We further reserve the right to permanently ban anyone from further participation on this board for any reason, or for no reason at all, at our sole discretion, and without explanation.

Otherwise, feel free to talk about any topic, from health to humor, anything and everything, including narcissism.

How do I participate in the Support Group? Do I have to register or log-in somewhere?

No registration is necessary for reading or posting. And, your post will appear as soon as you click the Post Message button. (Unlike other support groups, your posts don’t have to be approved before they appear.)

If you wish to add a reply to someone’s existing thread, go to that thread and click on the Reply tab at the top right or bottom right of the page. If you want to start your own thread, go to the main page at http://mikegamble.websitetoolbox.com/ and click on the New Topic tab at the top right or bottom right of the main page. You’ll be taken to another page where you will enter your New Topic in the Message Subject line.

Whether you to add a reply to an existing thread or start a new one, the remaining entries are the same on both forms.

In the Your Name space, we recommend that you use an easy-to-remember alias instead of your real name. This will help protect your privacy. In fact most of our posters use aliases.
Even though there is a space for your email address, that’s entirely optional. About half of our posters add their email address. If you are concerned about your privacy, I would leave the email address space blank.

If you add a reply to an existing thread, your reply will appear as the last item on the last page of the thread. However, if you start a New Topic, it will appear about mid-page on the front page of the board. TIP: Most posters prefer to start a New Topic. That way, it’s easy to find everyone’s replies in one convenient place.

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How do I use the Chat Room?

The Chat Room uses Java/JavaScript to operate. However, that function is not enabled until the user (you) does so. The good news is that it is included with all modern Internet browsers. In most cases, you will not have to download anything.

If you use:

Internet Explorer – Java programs are turned off at the High security level. To enable them, click on Tools and scroll down to Internet Options. When the window opens, click on the Security tab and reset the Security Level for the Internet to Medium-High. Next click on the OK button at the bottom. That’s it; you’re done.

Firefox on a Mac computer – Open Preferences and click on Content. Then check the “Enable JavaScript” and “Enable Java” boxes. Next, close the Preferences window. That’s it; you’re done.

Safari on a Mac computer – Open Preferences and click on Security. Then check the “Enable Java” and “Enable JavaScript” boxes. Next, close the Preferences window. That’s it; you’re done.

Step #2:

When you click the Chat tab, a User Login window will open. The window may take a few seconds for Java to start on your computer. Users of Firefox will usually see a blank window while Java starts up. Everyone else will temporarily see a steaming cup of “Java.”

If you wish to set up an account, you can use the same Username that you use on the Support Group board. Then, enter any password you wish that’s easy to remember. Next, enter your email address, click OK, and you’re in the Chat Room.

If you don’t want to set up an account, simply click on Cancel, and you’ll go to the Chat Room as an anonymous Guest. You can communicate with anyone in the Chat Room, but they won’t know who you are unless you decide to identify yourself with the Username you use for the Support Group board.

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In the Support Group, what do the acronyms mean?

ACON – Adult Child(ren) of Narcissistic [Parent(s)]
B – Brother
BIL – Brother-in-Law
DH – Dear Husband
DNR – Do Not Resuscitate Order
EC – Extreme Caregiver
FIL – Father-in-Law
MIL – Mother-in-Law
N – Narcissist or Narcissistic
Ndad – Narcissistic Dadhttp://asourparentsgrowolder.com/solutions/wp-admin/admin.php?page=tml
NF – Narcissistic Father
NFIL – Narcissistic Father-in-Law
NMIL – Narcissistic Mother-in-Law
Nmom or NM – Narcissistic Mom
OP – Original Poster
POA – Power of Attorney
S – Sister
SIL – Sister-in-Law

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Pieces Missing from the Medicare Benefits Puzzle – 2012

by Mike Gamble / January 17, 2012

Pieces Missing from the Medicare Benefits Puzzle

— 2012 Medicare Deductibles / Co-Pays —

Part A: Hospital Deductible (per Benefit Period)	$1,156.00
Part A: Hospital Coinsurance, per day (days 61-90)	$289.00
Part A: Hospital Coinsurance, per day (days 91-150)	$578.00
Part A: Skilled Nursing Facility Coinsurance, per day (days 21-100)	$144.50
Part B: Monthly Premium *(See Notes below)**	$99.90*
Part B: Annual Deductible	$140.00

Note #1: Your Part B premium will be based on your modified adjusted gross income. Most people will pay the amount shown in the chart above. But, if you filed an individual tax return for 2010 and your modified adjusted gross income was more than $85,000, your Part B premium for 2012 is shown in the table below. If you filed a joint tax return for 2010 and your modified adjusted gross income was more than $170,000, your Part B premium for 2012 is also shown in the table below. The Social Security Administration will compute your premium for you. However, we suggest that you double-check their computation against your 2010 tax return.
Note #2: “Why does Social Security use my modified adjusted gross income from 2010 to determine my Part B premium for 2012?” Part B premiums for 2012 were announced early in October 2011. Instead of guessing what your earnings would be for the full year in 2011, Social Security used the adjusted gross income from your 2010 tax return.

2012 Part B Monthly Premium

If your 2010 income was …
Individual Tax Return	Joint Tax Return	You Pay
$85,000 or less	$170,000 or less	$99.90*
$85,001 – $107,000	$170,001 – $214,000	$139.90*
$107,001 – $160,000	$214,001 – $320,000	$199.80*
$160,001 – $214,000	$320,001 – $428,000	$259.70*
Above $214,000	Above $428,000	$319.70*

*If you don’t have to pay a late-enrollment penalty.

2012 Part D Monthly Premium Surcharge

Note: Just like your Part B premium, your Part D premium surcharge will be based on your modified adjusted gross income. Most people will pay the amount billed by their insurance company. But, if you filed an individual tax return for 2010 and your modified adjusted gross income was more than $85,000, your Part D premium surcharge for 2012 is shown in the table below. If you filed a joint tax return for 2010 and your modified adjusted gross income was more than $170,000, your Part D premium surcharge for 2012 is also shown in the table below. The Social Security Administration will compute your premium for you. However, we recommend that you double-check their computation against your 2010 tax return.

If your 2010 income was …
Individual Tax Return	Joint Tax Return	You Pay
$85,000 or less	$170,000 or less	$0.00*
$85,001 – $107,000	$170,001 – $214,000	$11.60*
$107,001 – $160,000	$214,001 – $320,000	$29.90*
$160,001 – $214,000	$320,001 – $428,000	$48.10*
Above $214,000	Above $428,000	$66.40*

*If you don’t have to pay a late-enrollment penalty.

Posted in Medicare | Tagged Medicare | Leave a comment

Testimonials

by Mike Gamble / January 10, 2012

Thank You for your wonderful site Since 2002, our websites and online support group have been helping families care for their elderly loved ones. Over that time, we’re honored to have received hundreds of testimonials, some of which appear below.

“I took care of my Mother for 8 years. She passed away in 2002. I have added your website to my favorites as all the information you are providing would have been invaluable to me if it had been available during the 8 years of my caregiving.
I am now seeing more and more friends and coworkers approaching the time when they too will be faced with difficult decisions concerning caregiving of an aging parent, loved one or family member. I am so glad that I can pass your link on to others who need this information.
I can say from experience that your website is helping not only by providing much needed information and resources but is instrumental in helping caregivers save time, money, sanity, peace of mind, relationships, marriages and lives. From the bottom of my heart, Thank You!!!!” – Janette F.

“Because of you, I have something to be thankful for this year. Your support site has provided me with the survival tools my life was lacking. Thank you again. May your Thanksgiving be filled with joy and peace.” – Sherilyn D.

“Thank you for creating such a wonderful site! Caring for aging parents and the elderly is such a sensitive subject and I am impressed with the wealth of knowledge your site offers. You have covered every topic and question a caregiver could have with care and understanding. Your site truly is an invaluable resource for caregivers.” – Amy D.

“I was also searching the internet for advice for caretakers when I happened upon this site. I couldn’t believe I had found such a great place. What a wonderful resource and I can tell there are such good, caring people on this board and all struggling with difficult situations. I have gained much comfort from reading other peoples’ stories and finding that I am not alone with some of the resentments and frustrations that I have been feeling for so long now.” – Janie

“I am grateful beyond words for your terrific website. Thank you so much.” – DK, Care Manager

“The [support group] is a Godsend. Good people, good advice, warmth all round. I feel like I can say what I’m really thinking here, freely.” – Emily

“Your website is incredible – packed with such a huge number of resources. I have a Geriatric Evaluation and Support Referral business in Southern California.” – Mary W.

“I LOVE this board [support group]!! I agree – this cyber-extended family is the bomb! People who care, any time of the day or night, people who “get it” because they have been there or are going through something similar now, people who make you laugh when you are down, offer support in a crisis or just on a daily basis. It is wonderful! And hey, cyber road trips and birthday parties…it just doesn’t get any better than that! You all are the best, and I mean that from the bottom of my heart.” – Jeanine

“By the way, your website is great! What a resource! I am sending this link to a few of our existing clients and some folks I know with elderly parents in the Daytona area.” – Vanessa

“Maybe this forum is ‘my kind of people’ because when I’ve bared my hurting soul, somebody’s offered advice, bandaged my scrapes and kissed my boo boos. People offer their real life experience, knowing that it may not an exact fit for your situation, but saying you’re not alone and you didn’t invent the pickle that you’re in. You’ve made me laugh and cry and, dang it, I love this forum.” – MW

“Just want to say thank you to everyone here. Along with very practical ideas and solutions to the problems, here I found a level of understanding and compassion that even my best friends did not possess.” – Ann H

“I cared for my parents years back before the Internet existed, and this website would have been invaluable.” – Leigh

“Mike, thank YOU for doing so much to keep so many sane! I found your bulletin board [support group] literally by typing “elderly father driving me insane” into Google. I have passed on the link to others who post on other forums with concerns about elders and who don’t know where to turn just to be able to talk it over without being judged or “guilted”. You are making a difference in the world.” – Roma S

“You’ve got a helpful site and I appreciate it. I have a dying elderly aunt whom I’m trying to help. Keep up the good work!” – Kathleen

“I hope you know what a wonderful service your [support group] provides. The day I stumbled upon it I was so low, and it has saved my sanity more than once. To say Thanks doesn’t really adequately convey my appreciation, but nevertheless, THANK YOU!” – Emily S.

“Found [this website] just a few months ago, after googling “support for caregivers”. After so much pain and horror, this place was an oasis of honesty and real understanding. Our little boards saved me from a complete breakdown. Only you people, though all our situations differ a bit, understand the stress, anger, guilt, despair, the physical exhaustion and dread. I have learned so much from you all. There is no other place like it on the net and believe me I have looked. Thanks for being here, friends! While my struggles are winding down as my dad is now dying, I will forever be grateful for having found this safe place.” – Ann

“You cannot begin to know how much this support means to me. I treasure this group, even though I do not post often, I read much and turn to you guys for help.” – CA

“I want to offer my thanks for everything you have given us. I don’t know if you knew when you started this, just how important it would be to so many. You have created a family from a bunch of worn out caregivers, have given so many a lifeline when things look so bleak, comfort, information, smiles – just so much that can’t be expressed. … I know it sounds silly, but I have always believed that there are angels walking among us, and many of them are here. Thanks.” – Gail

“I Google’d “support group for elder care” and found the BEST site on the Internet. Can’t believe the quick wisdom that is available at our fingertips. ASK (a question) and ye shall receive (an answer)!!!” – DAnn

To a new visitor: “Welcome to this place, where you can say what you need to, and learn from others’ mistakes and get help and in turn help someone else. There is so much wisdom here, and care and kindness, it is what we all need to just get through all the things we must. Welcome to the board, you may need us, but we also need YOU.” – JAH

Posted in Testimonials | Tagged Testimonials | Leave a comment

Toxic Elderly Parents

by Mike Gamble / December 16, 2011

Toxic elderly parents suck the life out of their children who, even as adults, are constantly drawn back into their poisonous web of abuse, lies and denial. Find out how you can break free.

Toxic Elderly Parents - Narcissists, Alcoholics, Drug Addicts, Controllers and Abusers Toxic Parents, and how to handle them, are the most frequent topics discussed in our online Support Group. Indeed, taking care of elderly parents who didn’t take care of you is the “worst case scenario” of aging.

In her remarkable book, Toxic Parents: Overcoming Their Hurtful Legacy and Reclaiming Your Life [affiliate link], Dr. Susan Forward helps you understand:

Why toxic parents are so very different from normal parents;
How their toxicity scars their children so badly that they grow into adulthood feeling inadequate, unloved and worthless;
What you can do about it now; and
How to build your self-confidence, inner strength and emotional independence.

When you were a child …

Did your parent(s) tell you that you were bad or worthless.
Did they call you insulting names or intentionally embarrass you in public? Perhaps in front of your friends, or in front of your friends’ parents?
Did they constantly criticize you, or tell you that you would never amount to anything?
Did they seem to enjoy making you cry?
Did your parents frequently use physical pain to discipline you?
Did you have to take care of your parents because they frequently got drunk or used drugs?
Were you frightened of your parents?
Did your parents do anything to you that had to be kept secret?

Now that you are an adult …

Do your parents still treat you like a child?
Do you have intense emotional or physical reactions after spending time with your parents?
Do your parents control you with threats or guilt trips?
Do you feel like no matter what you do, it’s never good enough for your parents?
Do they blame you for their problems?

Dr. Forward describes the different types of toxic parents:

The Inadequate Parents: Constantly focusing on their own problems, they turn their children into “mini-adults” who take care of them.

The Controllers: They use guilt, manipulation, and even overhelpfulness to direct their children’s lives.

The Alcoholics and Drug Addicts: Mired in denial and chaotic mood swings, their addiction leaves little time or energy for the demands of parenthood.

The Verbal Abusers: Whether overtly abusive or subtly sarcastic, they demoralize, humiliate and threaten their children with constant put-downs and rob them of their self-confidence. In the extreme, these are the Narcissists who often demonstrate joyful cruelty and sadism.

The Physical Abusers: Incapable of controlling their own deep-seated rage, they often blame their children for their own ungovernable behavior.

The Sexual Abusers: Whether flagrantly sexual or covertly seductive, they are the ultimate betrayers, destroying the very heart of childhood – its innocence.

This section includes a series of articles and useful tips to help free you from the emotional chains of your relationship with your parents – and build an exciting new world of self-confidence, inner strength, and emotional independence.

Remember: You are not to blame for what happened to you as a child! Your toxic parent(s) are!

Granny Flats That Don’t Work

by Mike Gamble / October 6, 2011

The online edition of Forbes magazine recently ran an article titled, “10 Chic Granny Flats.” I wholeheartedly agree; they all look great.

A granny flat that won't work for long

But, most of them show how the best of intentions can go wrong!

Whether they’re called Granny Flats, Med Cottages, Granny Pods or something else, they are supposed to help an elderly parent age-in-place safely and stay independent longer. But seven of the ten mini-homes shown in the article have at least one major design flaw that’s clearly visible.

No one likes to think about growing older, but we all will sooner or later. Over time, many (if not most) of us will lose some of our strength and stability. Granny flats should be built to anticipate these future needs by including universal design features.

Examples of Universal Design

Adapt the main floor of the home for one-level living: No-step entry, with the bathroom, bedroom, kitchen, laundry and entertainment area all on the main floor.
Widen all exterior and interior doorways to 36 inches with offset hinges on the doors: Doorways are often too narrow for walkers and wheelchairs (or someone carrying packages); widening them is a plus for all.
Install hand-held shower heads and grab bars: Hand-held shower heads and grab bars are some of the least expensive changes you can make and are a great help to people with balance problems.
Use lever handles on doors and plumbing fixtures: Hand strength can be an issue with all ages – using a simple lever eliminates the struggle with operating doorknobs and faucets.
Use “comfort height” toilets: Many people suffer from osteoporosis, arthritis, or temporary injuries and find it hard to stand up from a normal height toilet – a higher toilet (or toilet chair that fits over the existing toilet) helps overcome this challenge.

The above picture appeared on the cover of the Forbes article. Again, it’s a great looking granny flat. But instead of a level no-step entry, the home has a two-step entry after taking three steps down from the patio which joins both homes. And the main house’s entry includes another three steps. All-in-all, not very safe if “Granny” has trouble walking or using stairs.

The remedy for these 7 homes: remodeling, perhaps extensive and expensive. On the other hand, all of that could have been avoided if the basics of Universal Design were used when the houses were originally designed.

For more information about Universal Design, visit:

Posted in Granny Flats | Tagged Granny Flats, Universal Design | Leave a comment

Medicare

by Mike Gamble / September 16, 2011

Medicare is the federal health insurance program that covers most people age 65 and older.

Some younger people who are disabled or who have End-Stage Renal Disease (permanent kidney failure) are also eligible for coverage (visit Who is Eligible for Medicare for more information).

People covered by Medicare are called beneficiaries. Medicare pays for much of their health care, but not all of it. That is, most acute medical conditions – conditions from which a patient usually recovers – are covered. But, despite what many people think, most care given at home, in assisted living facilities or in nursing homes, for people with chronic disabilities and lengthy illnesses are NOT covered. And for many people, there are large gaps in Medicare’s prescription drug plans.

Benefits are provided in 4 parts – A, B, C and D. Part A helps pay for inpatient hospital care, some skilled nursing facilities, hospice care, and some home health care. Part A is premium-free for most people. Most beneficiaries do pay a monthly premium to be covered under Part B – the part that helps pay for doctors, outpatient hospital care, and some other care that Part A doesn’t cover, such as physical and occupational therapy.

Part C allows various HMOs, PPOs and similar health care organizations to offer health insurance plans to Medicare beneficiaries. At a minimum, they must provide the same benefits that the Original Medicare Plan provides under Parts A and B. Part C organizations are also permitted to offer additional benefits such as dental and vision care. But, to control costs, Part C plans are allowed to limit a patient’s choice of doctors, hospitals, etc., to just those who are members of their networks. This can be a major disadvantage if a patient’s favorite doctor or hospital is not a member of their networks.

Part D provides prescription drug benefits through various private insurance companies. For more information, including how to enroll, click on Medicare Prescription Drugs benefit. Like Part B, most people have to pay extra premiums each month to be covered for prescription drugs under Part D. Premiums for Part D vary from state-to-state, and from company-to-company. For more information, visit Medicare’s website.

Most seniors are covered under the Original Medicare Plan. That plan requires them to pay for some of their health care in addition to their monthly Part B and Part D premiums. Those additional amounts are called deductibles and coinsurance. All premiums, deductibles and coinsurance amounts change every year on January 1st. To see the current Part B premiums, deductibles and coinsurance amounts, click on 2012 Medicare Coverage Gaps.

Seniors can purchase other insurance policies to cover part or all of Medicare’s deductibles and coinsurance amounts, or to cover many types of care that it doesn’t cover. These include:

Supplemental Medicare insurance (Medigap) from a private insurance company. To avoid confusion, 12 standardized plans have been defined by federal law, but not all states allow all 12, and not all companies offer all 12. For more information, click on Supplemental Medicare Insurance for Seniors.
Employer or union coverage
Long-Term Care insurance
Other kinds of insurance

Seniors don’t need to buy Supplemental Medicare insurance if they are covered under Medicaid, or if they are enrolled in a Part C plan such as a …

Medicare Advantage Plan
Private Fee-for-Service Plan
Medical Savings Account
Religious Fraternal Benefit Plan

Medicare has more than 100 booklets to help you find answers to your questions.

— Medicare FAQs, Tips and Nasty Surprises —

Medicare often runs smoothly without a hitch. At other times, it can be very annoying – even downright frustrating. For some people, it is full of potholes that cost them thousands of dollars out of their own pockets. Bottom line – what you don’t know can hurt you. For some helpful tips, visit our page FAQs, Tips and Nasty Surprises.

Posted in Medicare | Tagged Medicare | Leave a comment

It’s Not My Imagination … My Toes Are Cold!

by Mike Gamble / September 14, 2011

Every night my 86-year-old mother complains that her feet are cold. She has socks on her feet and I wrap them in 2 blankets. They don’t feel cold. Is it her imagination?

It's Not My Imagination - My Toes are Cold

For more than 15 years, I tried to convince my doctors that my toes were cold … all of the time, even in the summer … even when I wore two pairs of socks. But one-by-one, they all said, “Your toes are warm, you have good circulation, you don’t have any problems moving your toes, and your skin looks perfectly normal.” It was their polite way of saying, “It’s your imagination.”

I even checked out a number of unlikely causes including, for example, “Were my socks too tight.” They weren’t. (People whose toes are cold often pull up their socks too much. That can cause their toes to curl under, pinch their nerves and make their toes feel cold.)

It wasn’t until I had back surgery 5 years ago that I understood the real reason.

During my surgery, one “minor” problem wasn’t taken care of (fixing it would have limited my mobility too much). As a result, one of my discs still presses slightly on the sciatic nerve in my lower back. While it needs watching to make sure that more serious conditions don’t develop, the only problem for now is that my toes feel cold constantly. And, it doesn’t make any difference whether I do or don’t wear socks to bed.

If your loved one’s socks aren’t too tight and all of the other more likely causes have been checked out, and their toes or feet are still cold, you may wish to visit a doctor [not a chiropractor] who specializes in spine care. There are a wide variety of therapies and other techniques that can solve most spine-related problems without surgery. Only the most severe cases, like mine, result in surgery.

For more information about sciatica and your sciatic nerve, visit:

Posted in Symptom Watch | Tagged Symptom Watch | Leave a comment

Let’s Put the Elderly in Jail,
and the Criminals in Nursing Homes

by Mike Gamble / August 31, 2011

The elderly would have access to showers, hobbies and walks. They’d receive unlimited free prescriptions, dental and medical treatment, wheelchairs, etc. And, they’d receive money instead of paying it out.

Elderly Man in Jail

They would have constant video monitoring, so they could be helped instantly if they fell or needed assistance.

Bedding would be washed twice a week, and all clothing would be washed, ironed and returned to them.

A guard would check on them every 20 minutes, and bring their meals and snacks to their cell.

They would have family visits in a suite built for that purpose. They would have access to a library, weight room, spiritual counseling, pool and education.

Simple clothing, shoes, slippers, PJs and legal aid would be free, on request. Private, secure rooms for all, and an outdoor exercise yard with gardens.

Every elderly person could have a computer, a TV, radio, and daily phone calls. There would be a board of directors to hear complaints, and the guards would have a code of conduct that would be strictly adhered to.

The criminals would get cold food, be left all alone and unsupervised. Lights off at 8pm, and showers once a week. Live in a tiny room, pay $5,000 a month, and have no hope of ever getting out.

Justice for all.

This little story is obviously tongue-in-cheek, but it does call attention to how poorly our elderly are treated in too many nursing homes. While there are many excellent nursing homes, we still have a long way to go. It’s simply not right to treat elderly people as second-class citizens to be managed as efficiently as possible until they die.

Now, It’s Your Turn!

What are your thoughts? Please leave your comments below.

Posted in Just A Thought ... | Tagged Elder Abuse, Just a Thought ..., Nursing Homes | Leave a comment

Quick Tips – Alzheimer’s and Other Dementias

by Mike Gamble / May 17, 2011

Quick, Helpful Tips

Visits to the Doctor
Do you suspect that your loved one has Alzheimer’s disease or another form of dementia? Don’t be surprised when he/she is much more lucid at the doctor’s office than you’ve observed at home.

Visits to the attorney
Planning to see an attorney with your elderly mom or dad who has some Alzheimer’s or another dementia? Make the appointment for the morning. Sundowning (late-day confusion) can raise questions about your loved one’s legal competence.

Touch Me

The elderly are often touch-deprived. Take a moment to reach out to them. Hugs work too.

Visiting the Beach or Pool

Stay within an arm’s length of your elderly loved ones in or around any kind of water. And, don’t forget the sunscreen!

Home Safety #1

Restrict access to your home’s swimming pool. Add a fence with a locked gate around the pool, whether it’s inside a pool cage or in the back yard. This leaves the rest of your lanai, patio or yard available for use without worrying about someone falling into the pool.

Replace Interior Door Handles

Replace the locking door handles on all interior doors (except your bedroom’s, if your loved one is living with you) to prevent him/her from getting locked inside a room.

Musical Treats

Music your loved one enjoys can be soothing or stimulating. Download his/her favorite tunes on an iPod. If they have difficulty remembering their favorites, download songs that were popular in their late teens and twenties.

Wandering

60% of dementia patients WILL wander. Make plans to keep your loved one safe before that happens!

Communication

Encourage your loved one to express his/her thoughts even if they are having difficulty. Use simple phrasing and short sentences. Be patient. Be mindful not to interrupt.

Be Consistent

Maintain a calm, soothing environment for your loved one. Keep your daily regime as consistent as possible. Even slight changes can be upsetting.

Be Considerate

How would you feel if you were always told what to do and what not do? Next time, pause and ask your loved one for his/her input.

Shopping

Don’t leave someone with Alzheimer’s disease alone in a parked car. Your loved one and your car may be gone when you return.

Electric Outlets

Cover all unused electric outlets with childproof plugs.

Plastic Bags

Keep plastic bags out of reach. A person with Alzheimers may choke or suffocate. This includes dry cleaning bags.

Be Realistic

Feeling guilty about what you cannot do may keep you from doing what you can.

ID Bracelet

If your loved one has Alzheimer’s, make sure he/she always wears an ID bracelet with your phone number.

Avoiding Burns in Bed

Use a polar fleece blanket, not an electric blanket, for an elderly person with Alzheimer’s or another form of dementia.

When Roles Reverse

Parenting a parent doesn’t work. Guiding a parent to good decisions does.

Take Care of Yourself

Taking care of yourself does not mean you are neglecting your caregiving duties.

Now, It’s Your Turn!

What tips do you have for other caregivers? Please leave your comments below.

Posted in Alzheimer's | Tagged Alzheimer's, Dementia | 3 Comments

Here are some excellent books for family caregivers. We’ve sorted each one into the most appropriate topic category.

Alzheimer’s | Dementia

Money | Legal

Narcissists

Toxic Parents

First, Our Rules for Participation

— 2012 Medicare Deductibles / Co-Pays —

2012 Part B Monthly Premium

2012 Part D Monthly Premium Surcharge

Toxic elderly parents suck the life out of their children who, even as adults, are constantly drawn back into their poisonous web of abuse, lies and denial. Find out how you can break free.

When you were a child …

Now that you are an adult …

Recommended Reading

The online edition of Forbes magazine recently ran an article titled, “10 Chic Granny Flats.” I wholeheartedly agree; they all look great.

Examples of Universal Design

Medicare is the federal health insurance program that covers most people age 65 and older.

— Medicare FAQs, Tips and Nasty Surprises —

Every night my 86-year-old mother complains that her feet are cold. She has socks on her feet and I wrap them in 2 blankets. They don’t feel cold. Is it her imagination?

The elderly would have access to showers, hobbies and walks. They’d receive unlimited free prescriptions, dental and medical treatment, wheelchairs, etc. And, they’d receive money instead of paying it out.

Now, It’s Your Turn!

Touch Me

Visiting the Beach or Pool

Home Safety #1

Replace Interior Door Handles

Musical Treats

Wandering

Communication

Be Consistent

Be Considerate

Shopping

Electric Outlets

Plastic Bags

Be Realistic

ID Bracelet

Avoiding Burns in Bed

When Roles Reverse

Take Care of Yourself

Now, It’s Your Turn!

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